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  •  The EvO:R Street Journal

    The EvO:R Street Journal
    Editorial statement
    Dedicated to the culture, business and interests of the indie artist. EVJ delivers controversial points of view, hard-news commentary, Industry Insites, artistic prose and photography and welcomes responses (pro or con), feedback and topic suggestions from readers. If you would like to submit an opinionated article, inspired poem, photo or essay to EVJ, forward all copy to Editor ESJ and put To the Editor in the subject field.


    Madonna quits show biz; press blames her tits
    Written by Frank Cotolo

    Madonna performing live, showing some tit REDONDO BEACH, Calif. -- In a shocking announcement, Madonna is calling her show business career quits. Rumors persist that the decision has all to do with the diva's tits.

    A spokesperson from the Madonna camp told reporters that the one-time best-selling act is ending her career immediately and denied the tits theory.

    "Madonna has had a great revelation," said her spokesperson who was hired only last week and was unemployed as of the end of his statement to the press. "She had a vision that the world would be a better place without her music and that her stage shows were no longer entertaining."

    Many critics, though, are saying that Madonna's tits are the reason for the decision. "Have you seen them since she gave birth?" asked James Gardner, aging actor. "Sag city."

    Former President Bill Clinton disagreed. "I sure am gonna miss those tits," he said. "Last I saw them, they looked yummy."

    Others agreed with the tits theory.

    "If she had better tits," said director Ugo Mollamira, "I would have given her a shot to star in my next film, a gripping romance that would have displayed her tits very much. But, I do not see her tits as able to sustain the part with credibility."

    "It couldn't be her voice," said Hugo Styleen, a record producer. "It must be her tits."

    Robert Redford, talking from his Colorado home, said, "I don't know nothing about Madonna's tits. If they are anything like Meryl Streep's tits, however, then Madonna should quit."

    "She is just tired," said Madonna's spokesperson. "It has been a long career and she has plenty of money, a family and good health."

    "And rotten tits," responded a reporter from England.

    The pressure is now on Madonna to show her tits and prove that they are supple and beautiful enough to quash the theory that their bad condition is the reason for quitting.

    "She will have to show them," said the editor of a Greek scandal sheet. "And they will have to look smart and perky and tasty or else no one will believe she would quit for the reasons she wants us to believe."

    The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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