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  •  The EvO:R Street Journal

    The EvO:R Street Journal
    Editorial statement
    Dedicated to the culture, business and interests of the indie artist. EVJ delivers controversial points of view, hard-news commentary, Industry Insites, artistic prose and photography and welcomes responses (pro or con), feedback and topic suggestions from readers. If you would like to submit an opinionated article, inspired poem, photo or essay to EVJ, forward all copy to Editor ESJ and put To the Editor in the subject field.

    RIAA Sues Extra-Terrestrials
    Claims Aliens Will Rip Music Off of Space Probe

    By Moses Avalon

    In synchronization with the scientific community’s celebration of the 30th anniversary of the launch of the Voyager Space Probe, the RIAA is filing a preemptory lawsuit against an entire class of extra-terrestrials who they believe will come in contact with the probe after it breaches the boundaries of our solar system sometime in the next few years.

    RIAA spokesperson, Anslyem Rothchild, said to the press this morning, “The recordings that were sent into space in 1977 still enjoy protection under the US Copyright act and will inevitably be heard by space aliens.  We feel sure that they will illegally share these recordings with other aliens, without first acquiring the proper licensing from our member labels.”

    Rothchild is referring to the LP vinyl disk containing twenty-seven selections of music which is among the artifacts blasted into space 30 years ago.  It was designed as a greeting in case the probe encountered intelligent life.  According to Wikipedia, the probe’s recording contains, “sounds and images selected to portray the diversity of life and culture on Earth… Following [this] there is an eclectic 90-minute selection of music from many cultures, including Eastern and Western classics.”

    “Let’s be real,” said Rothchild, “any advanced intelligent life is gonna skip the boring nature stuff and go right for the hits.  And realize this: they have probably mastered telepathy and could share the music with 1000s of other entities instantly.  Sort of like the internet on steroids.”

    Among the recordings are Chuck Berry’s, Johnny B Goode, owned by MCA/Universal and classical recordings of Beethoven and Bach owned by Sony Music and EMI.

    “We’re filing the suit symbolically on this historically significant anniversary.  When those little green bastards come to the US, we’ll be waiting with an injunction.  We’re not taking them to our leader until they pay us.”

    Defining “extra–terrestrials” as a class is a fresh angle in Civil Court.  But lawyers for the Electronic Frontier Foundation (an advocacy group that fights for consumers’ rights to share music on the internet) say the RIAA is not really interested in collecting money from aliens but, rather advancing the theory of infringement via telepathy.  “If successful, it could open the door to many other suits against consumers on Earth; for example you could be sued for even thinking about music you didn’t first buy.”

    George Orwell could not be reached for comment.

    Hear what exactly is on the Voyager LP: 

    Publisher's note:, Music News Nashville and it's employees and affiliates does not necessarily agree with - or endorse - the editorial comments made in this article... but we do find them funny.


    ESJ is looking for writers/poets for our next issues. All work is appreciated and will be published (with the exception of articles containing racism, bigotry or other demeaning topics) Also, this is a PG-13 rating and will be censored if you do not edit it. Please e-mail The EvO:R Street Journal.
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