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RIAA Sues Extra-Terrestrials
Claims Aliens Will Rip Music Off of Space Probe
By Moses Avalon
synchronization with the scientific community’s celebration of
the 30th anniversary of the launch of the Voyager Space Probe,
the RIAA is filing a preemptory lawsuit against an entire class
of extra-terrestrials who they believe will come in contact with
the probe after it breaches the boundaries of our solar system
sometime in the next few years.
Publisher's note: EvO:R.com, Music News Nashville and it's employees and affiliates does not
necessarily agree with - or endorse - the editorial comments
made in this article... but we do find them funny.
RIAA spokesperson, Anslyem Rothchild, said to the press this
morning, “The recordings that were sent into space in 1977 still
enjoy protection under the US Copyright act and will inevitably
be heard by space aliens. We feel sure that they will
illegally share these recordings with other aliens, without
first acquiring the proper licensing from our member labels.”
Rothchild is referring to the LP vinyl disk containing
twenty-seven selections of music which is among the artifacts
blasted into space 30 years ago. It was designed as a
greeting in case the probe encountered intelligent life.
According to Wikipedia, the probe’s recording contains, “sounds
and images selected to portray the diversity of life and culture
on Earth… Following [this] there is an eclectic 90-minute
selection of music from many cultures, including Eastern and
“Let’s be real,” said Rothchild, “any advanced intelligent life
is gonna skip the boring nature stuff and go right for the hits.
And realize this: they have probably mastered telepathy and
could share the music with 1000s of other entities instantly.
Sort of like the internet on steroids.”
Among the recordings are Chuck Berry’s, Johnny B Goode, owned by
MCA/Universal and classical recordings of Beethoven and Bach
owned by Sony Music and EMI.
“We’re filing the suit symbolically on this historically
significant anniversary. When those little green bastards
come to the US, we’ll be waiting with an injunction. We’re
not taking them to our leader until they pay us.”
Defining “extra–terrestrials” as a class is a fresh angle in
Civil Court. But lawyers for the Electronic Frontier
Foundation (an advocacy group that fights for consumers’ rights
to share music on the internet) say the RIAA is not really
interested in collecting money from aliens but, rather advancing
the theory of infringement via telepathy. “If successful,
it could open the door to many other suits against consumers on
Earth; for example you could be sued for even thinking about
music you didn’t first buy.”
George Orwell could not be reached for comment.
Hear what exactly is on the Voyager LP:
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